What You Say?

I have an active dislike for getting my hair cut. I think the methodology is cruel - no one should be forced to sit in front of a mirror, chin emphasised by the tight turtleneck of the mandatory smock, and wet hair clipped here in there a la Darla from Finding Nemo, while the contemporary hair sculptor clicks silver scissors around ones ears menacingly.

When the ends of my hair cry for a trim, and I am forced to undergo this humiliation, I always go to an Asian hair studio.

Call me what you will for my sweeping generalizations, but these people know hair.

On to my point:

I was interested to find that the hair dressers conversed with one another in their own language. This was a plus in many ways, because I detest making small talk of any description. But I spent the entire two hours wondering what they were talking about.

I would love to know another language...not because it's clever, cultured or impressive, but because I like to eavesdrop. I'm the kind of person that sits on public transport listening intently the conversation going on behind me. Blame Emily Rodda - I think it began one year at the Sydney Writers Festival, when she revealed in her speech that as a child, she would record the conversations of strangers in a special notebook.

Other people interest me. Generally, it is because I like to scoff at their insipid whinges, thereby cementing my misanthropnia. Also, the Captain Insano stories that I overhear become good anecdotes for later on. So you can imagine my frustration at not being in the loop.

All I could think of the entire shampoo and treatment was the episode of Seinfeld about Elaine and the Korean nail parlour. Were the wash girls talking about me? Picking on my hair? Scoffing at my gullibility? (I was, after all, paying $110 for a permanent dye and a trim) Healthy paranoia, yes?

What I would like, is to know several different languages, so that I could eavesdrop unhindered. Otherwise, a pocket translator.

Language. I firmly believe it was invented for the sole purpose of allowing people to eavesdrop on one another. That is certainly what we use it for, anyway.